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Gosh……. This post could continue on for ever if I went into ever twisted element, of betrayal, lying, abuse, affairs, manipulation, hurt, heartbreak, loneliness, sadness. It goes on and on. For 5yrs almost Ive been holding on to a ghost. A ghost of who my husband was. Kind ,loving, attentive, passionate, soulmate, best friend, I’ve never ever experienced a bond, or a connection like I’ve had with him. I actually could feel him even when he wasn’t near. I know it sounds weird but I could. He’s the only one who got into my heart like there were no walls ,like I’d never been hurt before. Even though things are going to end , I’ll forever be grateful for the time I had with him when it was indeed good. Nobody has ever made me feel as alive, or passionate, wanted,.desired, safe, happy, there honestly isn’t even words for what we experienced at one time… It was incredible. It was pure, true, love, in anyway possible to imagine the definition.. my heart is broken because I’m walking away from the only person that was home. As lost as I mite be for a while. I know I’ll keep going. Sad and missing a huge part of me. And as badly as he hurt me . I’ll never hate him. I pray he finds what brings him peace someday. What brings him comfort and safety, and security like he once brought to me. Things will never go back to a sliver of once was after how much hurt has been done. But he wants to do what he wants no matter who it effects, I want my husband to actually act like a husband, and actually come home at night and crawl in bed w his wife. And be a dad a love his family. I want his love and his time, but 1 a week or a couple hours a day isn’t enough. And I’ve waited and waited for him to see what he was going to lose. But it didn’t matter.As hurt as I am. I’ll always be greatful for the love he once had,once shared, and spent with me. I’ll miss him. But I will survive. I love you SRJ❤️goose